I have a yellow t-shirt that says ‘Don’t wanna, don’t hafta, ain’t gonna!’ and that’s exactly how I feel about writing this blog. This story was written as a mea culpa and apology to my family. I hadn’t planned on publishing it, but when it was completed, I decided my experience might help someone else. Over fifteen years ago, I told a whopper of a lie to family and friends, with the intention of confessing once our mother was no longer here to be upset by the truth. She passed away last April so I had to get on with it, like it or not.
The lie I told was that I was having surgery for a large mass of polyps in my colon. The truth was very different; the surgery was to remove a large malignant tumor. I knew I couldn’t deal with the fears of everyone else, as well as my own, so I lied. The surgery went extremely well, but five of eight lymph nodes tested positive for malignancy. I went home and then began the real work. What I knew but didn’t tell anyone, including my doctors, was that there was a small malignant tumor in my right breast, which made my diagnosis stage four. Fortunately for me, I had studied alternate healing, recorded and analyzed my dreams, learned to go deep in meditation and do creative visualization – in short, I had all the tools I needed to heal my body. I had also been introduced to rebounding (mini-trampoline) by our chiropractor and this played a very significant role in my recovery.
The whole process took about five years, with bouts of horrendous nausea to deal with. Having been a nurse, one would think I would know enough to take some Gravol, but I dislike taking medication of any kind, for any reason, so it just didn’t occur to me. The problem was solved when I was with my sisters for an annual weekend away. I was taking antibiotics for an infected fingernail, so I let them assume that the nausea was a result of taking the pills. One of them got me some Gravol and from then on, life became much more pleasant.
This story is so complex I couldn’t just tell my family about the lie and why I told it, which is why I wrote it out and sent it to all of them at the same time. Their reactions were quite interesting – lots of support and understanding from some, no comment from others, and anger from one for keeping it from her, which meant she couldn’t be there for support. But after thinking about it, she admitted that she understood why I did it. I have included their emailed reactions at the end of the book.
My husband was my biggest supporter, and asking him to tell no one put a big burden on him. My method of healing myself was denial – so that required avoiding any mention of the subject in the newspapers, on television, but mainly in conversation. We didn’t talk about it, and for the most part, didn’t even think about it. For me, it just didn’t exist – and five years later, it was gone.
So I am happy to be here and to be healthy. I am also extremely thankful for all of the help I received from many different people, but most of all to my husband. He is an amazing healer!
Now it’s time to finish the kids’ book. With a helpful suggestion from a friend, it has been divided into two books – the first one about fruit. (Thanks, Allison!) The second one will be about veggies, but I have to take some more photos for that one. Meanwhile, the next romance is trying to write itself in my head…
Until next time, keep on smiling!